Zagzimtailjababbab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, idiotic gorilla.

Zagzimtailjababbab created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagzimtailjababbab, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zagzimtailjababbab, he will make you grow a tail.

Zagzimtailjababbab's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Zagzimtailjababbab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not take Zagzimtailjababbab's name in vain.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Pray towards the north.