Kan is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, dishonourable rhinoceros.

Kan created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kan, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kan, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Kan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Kan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt moths.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always look after injured grasshopers.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Kan loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.