Flanyakfem is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, weak coyote.

Flanyakfem created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flanyakfem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flanyakfem, it will turn you into a tree.

Flanyakfem's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Flanyakfem's Holy Commandments

1. Flanyakfem loves dogs, so they must be respected.

2. Feed all hungry hamsters.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always treat geese with great respect.

5. Do not stand on grass.