Loplapsak is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, awesome crocodile.

Loplapsak created vertebrates nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loplapsak, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Loplapsak, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Loplapsak's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Loplapsak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about porpoises.

2. You must pray to Loplapsak six times a day.

3. Erect nine tin sculptures of Loplapsak on top of important buildings.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Do not kill ducks.