Flanbopbess is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid penguin.

Flanbopbess created the planet Saturn three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flanbopbess, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flanbopbess, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Flanbopbess' most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Flanbopbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Flanbopbess must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not take Flanbopbess' name in vain.

5. Never talk about goats.