Vogomtcimtarp is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing jackal.

Vogomtcimtarp created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogomtcimtarp, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vogomtcimtarp, she will throw large rocks at you.

Vogomtcimtarp's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Vogomtcimtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans in need.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Do not take Vogomtcimtarp's name in vain.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Monkeys are not to be trusted.