Larn is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unjust whale.

Larn created the planet Mars nine million years ago.

If you believe in Larn, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Larn, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Larn's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Larn's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tortoises.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Larn.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.