Banduss Jipafxin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unsympathetic raven.

Banduss Jipafxin created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Banduss Jipafxin, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Banduss Jipafxin, he will torture you forever.

Banduss Jipafxin's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Banduss Jipafxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never paint your chest pink.