Bonspagcip is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, amazing squid.

Bonspagcip created matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonspagcip, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bonspagcip, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Bonspagcip's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Bonspagcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Put Bonspagcip first in all things.

4. Never paint your face black.

5. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bonspagcip on top of all buildings.