Taldibbot Hitafjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unfair walrus.

Taldibbot Hitafjarn created a top quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taldibbot Hitafjarn, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Taldibbot Hitafjarn, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Taldibbot Hitafjarn's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Taldibbot Hitafjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never skip in holy places.