Flanfetkab is a god.

She takes the form of a large, duplicitous troll.

Flanfetkab created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flanfetkab, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Flanfetkab, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Flanfetkab's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Flanfetkab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

5. Never mention goats.