Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, strong mole.

Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg, it will destroy your home planet.

Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat aubergines.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Always obey Vonkyarlbesthonlitlarg's priests.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.