Cumcudzim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, overgenerous guinea pig.

Cumcudzim created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumcudzim, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cumcudzim, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Cumcudzim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Cumcudzim's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Cumcudzim.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Worship no other gods but Cumcudzim.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never write about gravity.