Bagpitlarp is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, idiotic dog.

Bagpitlarp created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagpitlarp, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bagpitlarp, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bagpitlarp's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bagpitlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear pink clothing.

2. Always wear green.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.