Vankambiss is a god.

It takes the form of a large, unselfish giraffe.

Vankambiss created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vankambiss, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vankambiss, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Vankambiss' most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vankambiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt snakes.

2. Never think ill of sick pigs.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Do not take Vankambiss' name in vain.