Kem is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, proud giraffe.

Kem created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kem, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kem, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Kem's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Kem's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest gray.

2. Kem loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never wear shoes.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.