Funcumwanved is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, almighty centipede.

Funcumwanved created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Funcumwanved, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Funcumwanved, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Funcumwanved's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Funcumwanved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear green clothing.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never bounce near moths.

4. Do not wear zinc on your body.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.