Metbomflat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonourable turtle.

Metbomflat created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Metbomflat, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metbomflat, he will curse you with boils.

Metbomflat's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Metbomflat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven manatees approach from the north.

2. Never paint your legs purple.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never sing near pigs.

5. Metbomflat loves tapirs, so they must be respected.