Lam Vegjatgut is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, almighty jaguar.

Lam Vegjatgut created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lam Vegjatgut, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lam Vegjatgut, she will destroy your favourite star.

Lam Vegjatgut's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Lam Vegjatgut's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never bounce in the presence of snakes.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Never look at nebulae.