Bessfebhot Laphanwap is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, compassionate hamster.

Bessfebhot Laphanwap created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessfebhot Laphanwap, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bessfebhot Laphanwap, it will destroy your home planet.

Bessfebhot Laphanwap's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Bessfebhot Laphanwap's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three dolphins approach from the north.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Never go into turquoise rooms.

5. Feed all hungry porpoises.