Hambenlig is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, annoying jackal.

Hambenlig created carbon four million years ago.

If you believe in Hambenlig, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hambenlig, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Hambenlig's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Hambenlig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from yellow grasshopers for they are unholy.

2. Do not speak about bread.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Hambenlig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never pour water over plants.