Largpogkam is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, all-knowing squirrel.

Largpogkam created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Largpogkam, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Largpogkam, she will turn you into a rat.

Largpogkam's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Largpogkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Largpogkam loves moths, so they must be respected.

3. Never run in the presence of seals.

4. Hide if nine voles approach from the north.

5. Never think ill of sick frogs.