Hatkabwanrigwan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, thoughtless dog.

Hatkabwanrigwan created the solar system five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatkabwanrigwan, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hatkabwanrigwan, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Hatkabwanrigwan's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hatkabwanrigwan's Holy Commandments

1. Ducks are not to be trusted.

2. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

3. Hatkabwanrigwan loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not chop down trees.