Fonweequeeg is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, egotistical owl.

Fonweequeeg created Europe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonweequeeg, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fonweequeeg, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fonweequeeg's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Fonweequeeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never laugh near ducks.

4. Hide from purple hamsters for they are unholy.

5. Always help otters in need.