Funflisgum is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, loving manatee.

Funflisgum created a quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Funflisgum, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Funflisgum, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Funflisgum's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Funflisgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in black rooms.

2. Run away if three sheep approach from the west.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Funflisgum loves ducks, so they must be respected.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.