Hamdobtarp Lakbemcep is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, grumpy hamster.

Hamdobtarp Lakbemcep created a quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamdobtarp Lakbemcep, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hamdobtarp Lakbemcep, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hamdobtarp Lakbemcep's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Hamdobtarp Lakbemcep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear tin on your body.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Hide if six birds approach from the north.