Flapsomdog is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, pitiless pigeon.

Flapsomdog created the Cigar Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapsomdog, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flapsomdog, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Flapsomdog's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Flapsomdog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to great tits while wearing magenta trousers.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always obey Flapsomdog's priests.

5. Never laugh in the presence of mites.