Batdamgutnan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, wise pigeon.

Batdamgutnan created the world five billion years ago.

If you believe in Batdamgutnan, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Batdamgutnan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Batdamgutnan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Batdamgutnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not dye your hair red.

5. Do not sing in public.