Fumpangquart is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, fussy mouse.

Fumpangquart created water six million years ago.

If you believe in Fumpangquart, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fumpangquart, it will turn you into a tree.

Fumpangquart's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Fumpangquart's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Fumpangquart on top of all buildings.

2. Put Fumpangquart first in all things.

3. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.