Quartnillsug Hogquimtif is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, competent lizard.

Quartnillsug Hogquimtif created the Virgo Supercluster nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartnillsug Hogquimtif, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quartnillsug Hogquimtif, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quartnillsug Hogquimtif's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Quartnillsug Hogquimtif's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never think ill of sick moths.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always treat goats with great respect.

5. Do not eat nuts.