Jarnlegkan is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, all-knowing donkey.

Jarnlegkan created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnlegkan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnlegkan, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jarnlegkan's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jarnlegkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into fawn rooms.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.