Lapbogcad is a god.

He takes the form of a large, fussy wolf.

Lapbogcad created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbogcad, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lapbogcad, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lapbogcad's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lapbogcad's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

2. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

3. Never wear magenta skirts.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Retreat if eight whales approach from the north.