Ratvednib is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating manatee.

Ratvednib created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ratvednib, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ratvednib, it will not care.

Ratvednib's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Ratvednib's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured porpoises.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never go into magenta rooms.

4. Retreat if four frogs approach from the east.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.