Narlpopdin is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating mole.

Narlpopdin created tapeworms eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlpopdin, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narlpopdin, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Narlpopdin's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Narlpopdin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. You must pray to Narlpopdin eight times a day.

3. Feed all hungry tapirs.

4. Never go into fawn rooms.

5. Never eat green fruit.