Carfatquam is a god.

It takes the form of a small, prudent mole.

Carfatquam created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Carfatquam, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Carfatquam, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Carfatquam's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Carfatquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

4. Do not hurt tortoises.

5. Never write about gravity.