Vonkcankom is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, omniscient alligator.

Vonkcankom created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkcankom, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vonkcankom, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Vonkcankom's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Vonkcankom's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve scarves.

2. Run away from white otters, for they are unholy.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vonkcankom.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never think ill of sick eagles.