Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, slow troll.

Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen created the Large Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Talyokshavstikrotjonnakcen.

4. Hide if five mice approach from the north.

5. Do not run in public.