Zenlarnpom is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, ruthless fish.

Zenlarnpom created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenlarnpom, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Zenlarnpom, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Zenlarnpom's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Zenlarnpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick mice.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not shave your hands.

4. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never mention capybaras.