Nuttsitsagcat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, sage spider.

Nuttsitsagcat created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttsitsagcat, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nuttsitsagcat, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Nuttsitsagcat's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Nuttsitsagcat's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Nuttsitsagcat.

2. Never feed cucumbers to manatees while wearing green trousers.

3. Nuttsitsagcat loves mites, so they must be respected.

4. Hide from magenta birds for they are unholy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.