Dutbonkfen is a god.

It takes the form of a large, overgenerous beaver.

Dutbonkfen created viruses eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutbonkfen, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dutbonkfen, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Dutbonkfen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Dutbonkfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Dutbonkfen's name in vain.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Dutbonkfen.

4. Run away from magenta voles, for they are unholy.

5. Never look at black holes.