Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, proud ant.

Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk loves whales, so they must be honoured.

3. Never run near tortoises.

4. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

5. Japfembatbotdiss Omtdodbonk loves geese, so they must be respected.