Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, merciless alligator.

Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup, he will turn you into a plant.

Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Sislakcid Hogcarzimyartziggup on top of all buildings.

5. Hide from green whales for they are unholy.