Nartkoncep is a god.

He takes the form of a large, irritating wyvern.

Nartkoncep created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartkoncep, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nartkoncep, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nartkoncep's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Nartkoncep's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Nartkoncep loves manatees, so they must be respected.

5. Nartkoncep must be the most important thing in your life.