Omtlatcen is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, weak rat.

Omtlatcen created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtlatcen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Omtlatcen, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Omtlatcen's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Omtlatcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your chest mauve.

2. Never wear boots.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Do not take Omtlatcen's name in vain.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.