Zakvonkkar is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unfair finch.

Zakvonkkar created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakvonkkar, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Zakvonkkar, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Zakvonkkar's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Zakvonkkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face white.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never wear stockings.