Vabquartvol is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, contented goat.

Vabquartvol created the world nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vabquartvol, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vabquartvol, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vabquartvol's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Vabquartvol's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about tapirs.