Barnquimduss is a god.

It takes the form of a small, selfish rhinoceros.

Barnquimduss created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnquimduss, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Barnquimduss, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Barnquimduss' most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Barnquimduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Put Barnquimduss first in all things.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Pray towards the north.