Hanstergom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthoughtful pigeon.

Hanstergom created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanstergom, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hanstergom, it will ignore you.

Hanstergom's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Hanstergom's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in holy places.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Put Hanstergom first in all things.

4. Never eat bread.

5. Run away if six swans approach from the north.