Flaptettinak is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, ruthless guinea pig.

Flaptettinak created the Cigar Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptettinak, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flaptettinak, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Flaptettinak's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Flaptettinak's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Do not speak about parsnips.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Run away if seven monkeys approach from the west.