Laklipgan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, amazing aardvark.

Laklipgan created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laklipgan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Laklipgan, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Laklipgan's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Laklipgan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

4. Laklipgan loves cats, so they must be honoured.

5. Never play with disobedient children.